Hello, my people on the internet! I am here and today we will face a meal that is so simple it almost mocks you from behind when you go to your store. Chicken and rice. It sounds easy, right? Like boiling socks or parallel parking a clown car.

Well, have no fear dear reader because I’m Jenny Lawson and I’m about to change this dinner staple into a symphony of soft carbohydrate and questionable serving sizes that would both make your grandmother proud but also deeply concerned for you.

Now before you just scroll on by saying “Ugh chicken and rice…BORING”, let me tell you something. A story of the time when I was a poor college kid subsisting on ramen noodles and angst. However, fate intervened one evening when my roommate,

Bless her heart—she could burn water—came out of the kitchen with a pot whose fragrance was heaven on earth. It was chicken rice people, just plain old chicken rice. Though not any kind of usual chicken rice, it was an epiphany; a consoling bowl; the eating version of folding a fitted sheet properly at last.

So get ready buttercups because we are about to do some magic!

Ingredients:

The Fowl’s Entreaty:

• 1 whole chicken or 2-3 pounds of boneless, skinless chicken breasts/thighs if you are not feeling excited
• 1 tbl olive oil (we don’t use vegetable oils here!)
• Salt and Pepper to season aggressively like a person trying out for a role in Flavortown

The Rice Symphony:

• 2 cups long-grain white rice (or your favorite rice)
• 4 cups chicken broth (preferably homemade but store-bought is acceptable)
• 1 bay leaf (if you want to get fancy, otherwise skip it!)
• 1 tsp dried thyme (because why not?)

The Cast That Supports:

• 1 onion, finely chopped (because caramelized onions are unsung heroes of any kitchen)
• 2 cloves garlic, minced (the reason being: that vampires hate garlic)
• 1 carrot, diced (because color is important, and also it might fool you into thinking this is healthy food).
• 1 celery stalk, diced (because every good trio includes one celery stalk).
• Some Chopped Fresh Parsley (~½ cup) because parsley makes everything look fancy even if your kitchen looks like the aftermath of war.
• Guess what? Butter – because everything is better with butter!

The Great Chicken and Rice Caper: A Step-by-Step Adventure

Befriending the Bird: First things first – we need to deal with the chicken. If using a whole chicken pat dry with paper towels since nobody likes a wet friend. Generously salt and pepper it as if you were trying to offend an entire mine. Now pay attention; here comes the time for diversification. There are several routes you can take:

Stovetop Serenade: Start by heating the olive oil in a large Dutch oven (or your fancy pot) over medium heat. Once hot and shimmery, add chicken which you have seasoned then brown it all over. Imagine giving your chicken a tan, only tastier. When golden and beautiful, remove from the pot and set aside for a well-deserved rest.

Oven Opera: Preheat your oven to 375°F (because who even remembers Celsius?). Place the seasoned chicken in a roasting pan and bake for 45-60 minutes, or until when you poke it with a fork the juices run clear (not your finger Brenda).

Instant Pot Impromptu: If you’re fancy and own an Instant Pot, just throw that into some water (whatever will cover the bottom of the pot), a lot of salt, and pepper. Lock on high pressure for 10-12 minutes before letting it release naturally for 10 minutes then doing a quick release.

Step 2: Sautéing Symphony

Melt a tablespoon of butter in the Dutch oven (or a large skillet if you want to be minimalistic) you used for the chicken. After waiting for that golden liquid to melt into an effervescence, through the chopped onions.

Then comes the part where you have to put on your Julia Child hat and pretend like you are not chopping vegetables but preparing some artistic masterpiece. Perspire those onions until they turn translucent and breathe a sigh of relief.

Just let them caramelize slightly, it’s all about Flavortown remember?

Put in your minced garlic once your onions reach their fullest onion potential. Allow it to sizzle for around half a minute or when it seems like someone is about to break open a garlic-scented spa.

Next, add in diced carrots and celery, which can join the other stuff in a pan and just hang out with flavors developing together for a few minutes till they soften up. Here’s when you put yourself in a chef’s shoes and stir grandly while saying ‘al dente’ or ‘reduction’.

Now onto the fun part rice. Wash that tiny grain of starchiness by clearing running water through it. This is equivalent to giving your rice a day at the spa. Add the rinsed rice to this pot so that it’ll mingle with its vegetable friends.

Notably, pour chicken broth into this mixture together including bay leaf and thyme before bringing everything up to boiling. Once it starts bubbling happily lower the heat down simmering while covering the pot using the lid for say 20 minutes only. This should continue until our rice appears tender throughout though its moisture has been absorbed.

While we cool off thinking about life again, let’s handle what happened with our chicken. If you cooked yours on the stovetop or Instant Pot shred/chop the bird apart into little pieces. Shrug should be cooled off slightly if roasted before cutting this into delicious morsels.

The Grand Finale: A Symphony of Flavors

At this point rice is fluffy, chicken is waiting for another one to chat with so we can bring our masterpiece together. Mix the cooked chicken up with the rice while fluffing it all together like clouds.

Taste it and if it needs more love, add salt and pepper. But seriously, can you ever have too much salt and pepper?

Finally, sprinkle that chopped parsley on top for some green and a dash of elegance. Grab a really great big bowl because we are going to eat a ton of carbs right now.

Besides everyone knows, that every meal deserves celebration in its little ways such as light buttery rice well well-cooked bird from scratch that leaves your mouth watering all day long.

RELATED: Perfect Asian Chicken Lettuce Wraps

So there you have it folks- The Best Homemade Chicken and Rice According to The Bloggess. It may not be anything fancy but I guarantee it will warm your belly and your soul.

Now go out there and conquer the world, one pot of chicken and rice at a time.

P.S. If you put cheese on this I don’t want to know about it.